I'd rather go through childbirth again than.....

This is a big weekend in the triathlon community. Ok, maybe not for those triathletes returning from the Ironman World Championship in Kona, but for a lot of my buddies. There are at least two big iron-distance races this weekend, including Ironman Florida, in Panama City Beach. The Big Dance, we call it—a party with 2000 of your closest friends. A 2.4 mile ocean swim, 112 mile bike, and a 26.2 mile run. It is an extreme test of physical and psychological strength and endurance.



Discussing the upcoming event with Allen last night, I was contemplating my future in iron-distance racing. I commented to Allen that “Ironman is like childbirth—once you forget how bad it hurts, you’re ready to do it again.”


Later, as a seasoned veteran of both experiences, I began to consider their other similarities and differences. But, most importantly, I tried to come up with an answer to the question: “which is easier—Ironman or childbirth?”


My initial assertion: “Pshaw! Finishing Ironman? Try pushing a 9 pound baby out through a very small (and very sensitive) place. Now that’s hard!”


But, being a Libra, I am open to looking at both sides of an argument. So I have compiled a short list of the positive features of each event. I will let the facts (according to me) speak for themselves. I will leave it to others to draw their own conclusions.


Why Having a Baby is Easier than Racing Ironman:


1. You can eat as many Twinkies as you want in the weeks before the big event.

2. You get to lie in bed to do it.

3. You only need to push: you don’t have to paddle, peddle, or shuffle.

4. You don’t have to pay to do it (you just pay for the rest of your life).

5. You are allowed outside assistance.

6. No PowerGel.

7. You actually want  medical treatment.

8. The finisher’s award is way cooler.



Why Racing Ironman is Easier than Having a Baby:


1. You look way shittier after having a baby.

2. PowerGel tastes better than hospital food.


3. Much more crowd support.

4. You can actually sleep through the night in the days after the big event.

5. You are encouraged to keep moving, even while
wearing monitoring devices.

6. (Hopefully) not as messy.


7. You get to buy cool toys for yourself, in addition to buying them for someone else.


8. Being chafed down below really beats the alternate scenario, if you know what I mean.